Just in case … here’s a rough draft of Jason Kelce’s next parade speech

Posted on February 9, 2023

Just in case … we’ve helped Jason Kelce prepare another underdog speech, something he might deliver next week.

So, as you read, mimic Kelce’s hoarse, screaming voice. Imagine the Eagles’ center dressed in some Mummers finery. In your mind, you probably can see him on stage giving the speech.

If you really want to get in the spirit, as I did, go to YouTube and rewatch Kelce’s 2018 Art Museum speech, the coolest part of the Eagles’ Super Bowl parade.

  • Nick Sirianni has never been a head coach before!
  • The Eagles had an easy schedule!
  • The Eagles didn’t beat any good teams!
  • Nick Sirianni is too cocky!
  • Nick Sirianni shouldn’t be head-bobbing in front of a camera!
  • The Eagles have been lucky all season!
  • Brandon Graham can’t come back from an Achilles’ rupture!
  • Haason Reddick is on his third team in three years!
  • Jalen Hurts hasn’t proved himself!
  • Jalen Hurts can’t throw the long ball!
  • Jalen Hurts doesn’t make enough right decisions!
  • Running quarterbacks can’t win the Super Bowl!
  • Special teams can’t tackle anybody!
  • They’ll lose to the Vikings!
  • They’ll lose at Arizona!
  • They’ll lose to the Cowboys!!!!
  • Jonathan Gannon’s defense gives up too many yards!
  • They won’t beat Aaron Rodgers and the Packers!
  • Tennessee is a tough, playoff team. Definitely a loss!
  • They can’t stop Justin Jefferson!
  • Derrick Henry will run all over them!
  • They can’t handle a mobile quarterback like Kyler Murray!
  • The offensive line is too old!
  • Jason Kelce is too small!
  • Jason Kelce is too old!
  • Lane Johnson can’t come back from a torn adductor!
  • The offensive line won’t last the season!
  • Jordan Mailata is a rugby player!
  • The defense has too many new guys and hasn’t had time to develop chemistry!
  • Ndamukong Suh and Lineal Joseph are too old!
  • Miles Sanders fumbles too much!!!!
  • Miles Sanders gets hurt too much!!!!
  • A.J. Brown is overrated!
  • They need another running back!
  • They need another safety!
  • The Giants cut James Bradberry and the Eagles are starting him!
  • Howie Roseman has had too many ups and downs as a general manager!
  • Nick Sirianni takes too many risks!
  • Nick Sirianni goes for it on fourth down too much!
  • The Giants are the hot team in the playoffs!!!
  • Can’t handle Saquon Barkley!
  • Daniel Jones has come into his own!
  • Daniel Jones is a dual-threat quarterback!
  • Daniel Jones gets the Giants important yards when he runs!
  • The 49ers are the greatest team ever, almost unstoppable!
  • Brock Purdy is undefeated!
  • Brock Purdy is the new Joe Montana!
  • The Eagles can’t run on the 49ers defense!
  • The Eagles can’t keep Nick Bosa out of their backfield!!
  • The Eagles can’t keep Nick Bosa from dominating the game!!
  • Patrick Mahomes this. Patrick Mahomes that!
  • Andy Reid will outcoach Nick Sirianni!!!!
Chuck Bausman Avatar
Written by
Chuck Bausman

Chuck Bausman is an Eagles writer for Iggles.com. Chuck formerly was the Executive Sports Editor of the Philadelphia Daily News and the Executive Sports Editor of the Courier-Post in South Jersey. He learned how to cuss by watching Philly sports.

View all posts by Chuck Bausman